A visit from a dear family to me has triggered many thoughts and feelings, thank you for being who you are and for your friendship and influence you have had in my life.
A great heaviness sets into my mood as I lay my head onto my pillow. Memories of joy and laughter, provoking discussions, time well spent over coffee, flood my mind. Now, they and the memories often feel (though they are truly not) far away, distant, vague, and simply what just a memory.
Many times the emotion we attempt to mask is that of sadness and tears, we feel as though crying is a sign of weakness; which I am, and which i’m also becoming more comfortable with. We really have no issue showing intense happiness or excitement, AND we most certainly don’t mind expressing our anger and frustration at those who sin against us.
So, as I lay I found hot tears welling up and soon forming their own stream or river as if they were themselves the actual sadness or emotion I felt that needed to escape my memory. The decisions I’ve made in the past few years have caused me (or at least I feel) to grow and to become more mature than I may be had I stayed in my comfort zone and under the wing of safety from my family and these close friends that give life to these memories and feeling of sadness and loss or separation. I am not totally sure how I feel of all of this and I’m not sure I will ever be able to understand. I feel as an individual I must do all I can to grow and develop into the man and Christian that I am destined to be. On the other hand I often feel as though I am not only doing a dis-service to myself, but also to these wonderful people in my life which I so deeply love and care for.
I am grieved to know one of my closest friends who has influenced my life and character and allowed my to even be able to make this step in my life may also soon suffer these feelings on sadness and separation from those they most loves. I pray often and hope for the sake of my friend that they may find (as I have) purpose and direction and meaning in their decision to further the truth we so dearly cling to. And it is that truth that allowed me to make those decisions that I believe will allow us to feel ultimate and eternal joy never-ending. So, if you read this, and you will know who you are if you are reading this, remember that your passion for what you believe is greater than safety in familiarity. Much respect.
Nic, I just now saw you have a blog. I am sitting here in Birmingham, England crying. I love you so much and I admire what you wrote in this post so much. You are a true man. A true man of God. You are a trailblazer, who has made himself vulnerable, truly wanting the will of God in his life. You may not always be in the place you are now, the location may change. However, wherever you are in life, no matter the place, always learn what God has to teach you in that place at that time. Life is full of seasons. They change but they all have meaning and purpose in our lives. They teach us things that we couldn't learn in another season. We should be always becoming and never arriving at an ending point of growing. Always learning and moving forward. Stay the course. Love you, Nan
ReplyDeleteNic! Your respected and very loved by us! ❤️
DeleteThis is gonna choke Mark up.