The Sacrifice of Believing in Something Greater

A visit from a dear family to me has triggered many thoughts and feelings, thank you for being who you are and for your friendship and influence you have had in my life.

A great heaviness sets into my mood as I lay my head onto my pillow. Memories of joy and laughter, provoking discussions, time well spent over coffee, flood my mind. Now, they and the memories often feel (though they are truly not) far away, distant, vague, and simply what just a memory. 

Many times the emotion we attempt to mask is that of sadness and tears, we feel as though crying is a sign of weakness; which I am, and which i’m also becoming more comfortable with. We really have no issue showing intense happiness or excitement, AND we most certainly don’t mind expressing our anger and frustration at those who sin against us.

So, as I lay I found hot tears welling up and soon forming their own stream or river as if they were themselves the actual sadness or emotion I felt that needed to escape my memory. The decisions I’ve made in  the past few years have caused me (or at least I feel) to grow and to become more mature than I may be had I stayed in my comfort zone and under the wing of safety from my family and these close friends that give life to these memories and feeling of sadness and loss or separation. I am not totally sure how I feel of all of this and I’m not sure I will ever be able to understand. I feel as an individual I must do all I can to grow and develop into the man and Christian that I am destined to be. On the other hand I often feel as though I am not only doing a dis-service to myself, but also to these wonderful people in my life which I so deeply love and care for. 

I am grieved to know one of my closest friends who has influenced my life and character and allowed my to even be able to make this step in my life may also soon suffer these feelings on sadness and separation from those they most loves. I pray often and hope for the sake of my friend that they may find (as I have) purpose and direction and meaning in their decision to further the truth we so dearly cling to. And it is that truth that allowed me to make those decisions that I believe will allow us to feel ultimate and eternal joy never-ending. So, if you read this, and you will know who you are if you are reading this, remember that your passion for what you believe is greater than safety in familiarity. Much respect.

As for me and my house we will serve the Lord

I must confess to myself and to whoever may read this; This has been written for at least 6 weeks and i have neglected editing and posting. For shame, Nicholas, for shame.

I have grown up hearing this phrase from my father many times. I have always believed it and appreciated the stand my father took as the head of the household. Lately, however, I have found myself often pondering this phrase and what it really means for my wife and I, and for our household.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

Now, as a husband, and leader of my own family and household I feel the responsibility I think most Christian men must feel. First of all I am very grateful to my wife who has this same passion as I do, and who feels the same about our home as each major decision we make must be weighed and balanced in prayer and wisdom. I am not afraid of this responsibility, however, I do feel the pressure from it and I pray that God will grant me wisdom and grace to lead my wife (and one day family) in the paths of righteousness. I have been fortunate enough to have a few close friends who have made their homes a place where I am welcome and where I have found so much direction in my personal life. I have been able to develop myself and to find my ministry through the help of these great friends and mentors who have opened their homes (and lives and families) to be sanctuaries. Often times I have found myself in prayer for my household and for my home that it would be a sanctuary of peace, rest, healing, love, and hope. I desire to have a place where others can come into and find strength and direction in their life as they seek after God and His plan for their lives. I pray that others may enter our home with sin in their life and feel a peace and joy that they would desire to serve God because of what they may feel. I pray that fellow young people will feel welcomed into our home and find direction in their life, and I desire to see them seek after their own personal relationship with God.

All in all, I desire for my wife and I’s physical home (and our corporate Church body) to Serve The Lord with utmost passion, and to the greatest of our knowledge and ability.