Choices.

Why do I do what I do? This question is probably one of the greatest questions that I can personally ask myself. The idea of questions has been something that I have been pondering and working over in my mind for the past little while.

Asking ourselves questions causes us to answer those questions and to make decisions based on our questions. Whether they are thoughts, ideas, actions, relationships, or any other decisions we make, these decisions greatly affect the future of our lives, and the outcomes that we will live out. To add to that I desire to make my decisions based upon actions as opposed to reactions. To make actions determines that we are in control of our own outcomes whereas to make reactions determines that we are making decisions to the environment around us. In other words, I would rather affect and determine the environment around me rather than have the environment I find myself in affect and determine my reactions. A friend of my father has often said a phrase that I feel helps myself live in this way of making actions rather than reactions; "live deliberately" is the phrase I have heard numerous times. To live deliberately means that we don't necessarily just go along with life and whatever happens just happens. To live deliberately as simple as it sounds, which is to make deliberate actions and not just "go with the flow". Now, there may be times where going with the flow may be alright if the "flow" is headed in a direction we want to be, but if the "flow" is heading a direction that we do not desire to be then we must deliberately make actions that will determine our destination. So, why do I do what I do? And why do any of us do what any of us do? Do we do what we do because that's what is easiest; the path of least resistance. Or do we deliberately choose to make actions and be in control of our environment and destination. 

I could ramble on and on of the various levels of importance of types of decisions, ie, choosing clothes to wear or food to eat, or relationships, or a spouse, or whether or not we seek relationship with God. The point is, each of these decisions, often times seemingly unimportant, will and DO drastically affect the big picture of our life and of our destination. To end this I want to leave you (if there is a "you" even reading this) with a few questions. Where do you want to go, and why? What are you going to do to get there? And I encourage you (and me) to do what it takes to go there, to be that person, to build that friendship, to become that man I desire to be, to make those deliberate decisions to become who and what we desire to be and to determine our environment and our destination. 

The Sacrifice of Believing in Something Greater

A visit from a dear family to me has triggered many thoughts and feelings, thank you for being who you are and for your friendship and influence you have had in my life.

A great heaviness sets into my mood as I lay my head onto my pillow. Memories of joy and laughter, provoking discussions, time well spent over coffee, flood my mind. Now, they and the memories often feel (though they are truly not) far away, distant, vague, and simply what just a memory. 

Many times the emotion we attempt to mask is that of sadness and tears, we feel as though crying is a sign of weakness; which I am, and which i’m also becoming more comfortable with. We really have no issue showing intense happiness or excitement, AND we most certainly don’t mind expressing our anger and frustration at those who sin against us.

So, as I lay I found hot tears welling up and soon forming their own stream or river as if they were themselves the actual sadness or emotion I felt that needed to escape my memory. The decisions I’ve made in  the past few years have caused me (or at least I feel) to grow and to become more mature than I may be had I stayed in my comfort zone and under the wing of safety from my family and these close friends that give life to these memories and feeling of sadness and loss or separation. I am not totally sure how I feel of all of this and I’m not sure I will ever be able to understand. I feel as an individual I must do all I can to grow and develop into the man and Christian that I am destined to be. On the other hand I often feel as though I am not only doing a dis-service to myself, but also to these wonderful people in my life which I so deeply love and care for. 

I am grieved to know one of my closest friends who has influenced my life and character and allowed my to even be able to make this step in my life may also soon suffer these feelings on sadness and separation from those they most loves. I pray often and hope for the sake of my friend that they may find (as I have) purpose and direction and meaning in their decision to further the truth we so dearly cling to. And it is that truth that allowed me to make those decisions that I believe will allow us to feel ultimate and eternal joy never-ending. So, if you read this, and you will know who you are if you are reading this, remember that your passion for what you believe is greater than safety in familiarity. Much respect.

As for me and my house we will serve the Lord

I must confess to myself and to whoever may read this; This has been written for at least 6 weeks and i have neglected editing and posting. For shame, Nicholas, for shame.

I have grown up hearing this phrase from my father many times. I have always believed it and appreciated the stand my father took as the head of the household. Lately, however, I have found myself often pondering this phrase and what it really means for my wife and I, and for our household.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

Now, as a husband, and leader of my own family and household I feel the responsibility I think most Christian men must feel. First of all I am very grateful to my wife who has this same passion as I do, and who feels the same about our home as each major decision we make must be weighed and balanced in prayer and wisdom. I am not afraid of this responsibility, however, I do feel the pressure from it and I pray that God will grant me wisdom and grace to lead my wife (and one day family) in the paths of righteousness. I have been fortunate enough to have a few close friends who have made their homes a place where I am welcome and where I have found so much direction in my personal life. I have been able to develop myself and to find my ministry through the help of these great friends and mentors who have opened their homes (and lives and families) to be sanctuaries. Often times I have found myself in prayer for my household and for my home that it would be a sanctuary of peace, rest, healing, love, and hope. I desire to have a place where others can come into and find strength and direction in their life as they seek after God and His plan for their lives. I pray that others may enter our home with sin in their life and feel a peace and joy that they would desire to serve God because of what they may feel. I pray that fellow young people will feel welcomed into our home and find direction in their life, and I desire to see them seek after their own personal relationship with God.

All in all, I desire for my wife and I’s physical home (and our corporate Church body) to Serve The Lord with utmost passion, and to the greatest of our knowledge and ability.

I know nothing.

My mind is full of thoughts; yet it remains empty to decide which I want to further ponder.

Trusting in God - from where I stand

Isn't it funny how it seems so hard to trust God that he is in control and that he has our life all worked out when we least know our own future? How easy it is to say, "I trust you, Jesus" when we are certain that there will be money in the bank, food on the table, and work to occupy our time. Recently, I have been praying that I would learn to trust God and that I would genuinely experience the need to trust in Him. I find myself now leaning more on Jesus than I've ever needed to in all my life. Am I out on the streets begging for bread? By no means! I have food, a home, a vehicle, clothes to wear, a bed to lay my head on, and yet still I feel the overwhelming need to trust Him. Logically, my decisions may be frowned upon by some as irresponsible or as being based off of emotions. I find no reason to defend myself against such claims. Logically speaking, my decisions have not been decided to put myself further ahead monetarily. I have not decided to stay nestled in my comfortable way of life where all is familiar, and there is no fear of newness and uncertainty. I have chosen a path where there are no certainties for tomorrow. I do todays work for tomorrow will hold its own worries. I could have stayed in a comfortable place where I would not have needed to fly on my own; the nest was comfortable, however, I would never have begun to learn to spread my wings and soar as the eagles. Oh sure, we all fall sometimes, but at least we are not leeching off the rest of everyone and remain lame in the nest. We are taught by scripture to seek first the kingdom of Heaven, and that our needs would be met. Does this mean that you or I will have all the new toys, gadgets, cars, or the biggest house on the block? I think not. More accurately, we will be provided our basic needs; food, clothing, and shelter. What more could we need? The fleeting happiness of "stuff" will never compare to the joy, peace, and rest I have in my heart. It will never compare to the quality family relationships I've built, or the health in my body. The temporary luxury of "stuff" will not and can not measure up to the assurance of God's loving mercy on my life. I have chosen to lay my treasures in Heaven where moth or dust will not corrupt. Trusting in Jesus is one of the most exhilarating adventures we can take as Christians. I DARE you to ask Him to teach you to genuinely trust Him. You will never regret it!