If you think I'm a decent chap, do NOT read this. I repeat, absolutely DO NOT continue. Go to YouTube instead.

Whilst driving with my wonderful wife we began talking on character traits and who we desire to be. In short, you missed a great discussion. I semi longer-ish, let me attempt to be what I desire to be.

I am flawed. I am a sinner. I am far from being what I need to be as a Christian. But you know what? People think I am great. People think I’ve got it all together. (Or maybe I am wrong all together). I am in fact far from being great and having it all together, furthermore, I hope I never am great or have it all together, lest I may boast of myself and not of His grace.

What my point is, is that, as a character traits I desire honesty, integrity, love, and vulnerability. 

Vulnerability is what I am working on thinking through at this point, and I will in the future examine the other traits, but do understand, these traits work much better as a team than they do on their own.

So what does it mean to be vulnerable? I’m not entirely sure of the definition of what it means to be vulnerable, but I would imagine that it would look something like just as quickly as showing our strengths, we could show our weaknesses. And that is what I am becoming more comfortable with. 

My weakness, I told my wife, is allowing me to be much stronger than the artificial strength that sadly so many portray. As a young(er) man, a teenager, I struggled with the thoughts that I was the only struggling one. It appeared to me that others that surrounded me never had any issues or problems. I would condemn myself for feeling or thinking the ways I often did. I spent critical years living with condemnation, some of it justifiably so one may argue. Years have passed and I still I am realizing what I knew all along. I am indeed a flawed, a sinner, and far from what I need to be as a Christian. BUT, I am closer to being what I need to be as a Christian by realizing its not what I do or how I act or how I feel that makes me a great Christian, lest I may boast, but the grace and mercy of Jesus who is teaching me and flourishing the spiritual gifts within me to allow me to be weak in order that He may be strong. So, I choose to be vulnerable. If you are also human, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you will struggle, and fail, and not be who you ought to be. But, through His mercy, and our willingness to be broken, vulnerable, and weak, He will give us strength. He will clothe our actions and lives, with love, mercy, generosity, service, sacrifice, and humnility. 

If you are reading this and you are fearful of your own flaws, do no worry. It is going to be okay. I suggest you talk with someone who will allow you to be vulnerable and love you and count you as a friend despite your flaws. There are others who will care, listen, and love you. I would strongly suggest you spend some time talking with the one man that helps me the most. He will take time to listen to you. He will acknowledge you may have flaws, but He will help you work through them by His grace. Go ahead, ask Him.

I'm gonna' check myself before I wreck myself.

In November I wrote on decisions and on living deliberately. Little did I know I was actually preparing myself for the months, and I believe years to come. Almost immediately after posting that blog I found myself needing to act on what I had been working over in my mind for a while. And now, once again, I am faced with another situation that calls for a decision. I can choose from several different paths, one being, the path of least resistance which is, “go with the flow” “do what I have always done”, or I can choose to diversify myself, and become more dynamic with my life. 

I am finding change is not always comfortable. It can be very intimidating with uncertainty in the future. No one really knows what tomorrow holds. No one knows the last breath they will breath. That is why we MUST do the things, and BE the people that will cause us to be fulfilled and to flourish. At the end of each our lives we will look back on our lives (if given enough time) and we can assess what we have done, what we have accumulated, where we have gone, who we have known and who we have loved, we can assess our family and friends and our relationships with them, and we can assess what we spent our time worrying about. Sadly, I fear that too many of us spend our best years held back by worrying of finances, or the lack thereof. I fear too many of us will spend our time worrying about our job. Too many of us will spend our time attempting to accumulate our entire life just to enjoy a short retirement where money is no longer an issue, but we all know very well even retirees worry of their money. So again on this fine day in March 2016 I am challenged again to not allow the menial rigour of life to consume me or my family. I refuse to allow the “daily problems” to keep me from being the Christian, husband, and friend that I desire to be. 

My great friend, MK, described flourishing recently in a way that rings so true in my ears. Flourishing is sacrifice, service, care, patience, gentleness, and most of all pure love. In general we spend our lives searching for the love of pleasure, but to truly flourish we must learn to find pleasure in love. So, it is my goal for today, and tomorrow, and this year, and my entire life to learn to find pleasure in love and in all that love is. 

Change is coming. What I once always knew may be different tomorrow than in the past. What is most important is how I handle the change, and ideally, how I can create and determine the change that happens in my life to become a better and stronger Christian.